Recovering from Abuse

* Written by ‘Sarah’, a healed survivor in long-term recovery from sexual abuse. Sarah’s story can be read in the book Sarah: From an Abusive Childhood and the Depths of Suicidal Despair to a Life of Hope and Freedom, Sarah Shaw (Lancaster: Sovereign World Ltd., 2009).

Is there any real hope of healing and long-term recovery for a victim of sexual abuse? What a critical question that’s crying out for an answer, with an estimated 1 in 13 men and 1 in 5 women globally today, having experienced sexual abuse in childhood.**

The vast majority of these undoubtedly suffer every day the legacy of a guilty secret that will have festered over a lifetime into a ball of shame, injustice, pain, anger, bitterness, resentment, anxiety and utter worthlessness. For some reading these words, this may be an agonising question of personal horror. But the unreserved answer is, yes, there is real hope: there is a solid pathway to full and lasting healing for those who have suffered even the worst of abuse.

there is a solid pathway to full and lasting healing for those who have suffered even the worst of abuse.

Sexual abuse is an anathema to God. He designed us to be loved, to absorb the truth that we’re precious. Abuse does the opposite. Abuse says: ‘You’re nothing.’ Abuse is a robber of love’s empowerment for living. It abandons you to basic survival instinct, that easily drives you to block out dark memories as if they never happened. It compels you to strive to earn some sense of worth to compensate for the toxic lie that poisons life.

Flashbacks, nightmares and painful emotions seep through from bound, gagged and buried abuse. But these are likely to be met with punishing self-recrimination, perhaps even self-harming. The wedge of self-hatred forces an ever-widening gap between suffering and survival.

The wedge of self-hatred forces an ever-widening gap between suffering and survival.

Such a life would be utterly hopeless, except for the journey we can walk with God. Until we take those first steps, isolation, anxiety, depression and all manner of mental health problems beckon; and the unmet need for love reaches out to be satisfied any way it can, through comfort-eating, alcohol, drugs, smoking, the internet or something else. But there is a way beyond this.

God is love. His love is beautiful. Perfect. Life-giving. And, thankfully, He has no cruel substitutes. The journey with God leads us away from the divided pathway to wholeness, inner peace and real healing. As we allow His Holy Spirit to help us close gaps and, step-by-step, bring connection to all that’s been buried, He rebuilds broken trust. He walks with us so faithfully until we reach the point where we’re able to receive His real love that meets the deepest need and empowers us to release the ball of emotion and, even, to forgive. It’s then that we really know we’re not surviving any more. Life in all its fullness has come.

It can feel so very hard to even start the climb. And this journey is not without challenge, but for those suffering with the aftermath of abuse, it’s definitely worth taking those tentative first few steps. In order to help begin, let’s look at what they might look like:

1. Write, ‘Who am I?’ at the top of a sheet of paper, then fold it in half lengthways. On the left-hand side, write an honest list of words or thoughts about yourself. Ask God to show you how He sees you and write that down that on the right-hand side. If you find it difficult to hear God, pick up your Bible and ask Him to show you through specific verses.

If writing isn’t your thing, drawing, painting, using plasticine or clay are all great ways of expressing deep things. Or make a collage, cutting out words and pictures from old magazines. Or cut out a heart from card, fabric or wood and use one side to depict your view of yourself, and the other side to represent who God says you are.

2. Acting on what comes out, is important, even if your feelings want to run in the opposite direction. Enlisting the help of a close and trusted friend is a good idea, inviting them to look at what you’ve expressed and, prayerfully, help you begin to acknowledge that the way you see yourself has been so muddied through abuse, it’s not actually true.
3. Learning to rely on God in a deeper way is vital to prepare for the time when it’s right to face the realities of past abuse. That means a gradual letting go of the old ways of coping with triggers to pain and anxiety. You can ask Him to help you stop when you’re reaching out for familiar forms of false comfort; you can talk to Him instead about whatever triggered the very real need for comfort and then begin to receive His love and acceptance.
4. Looking outwards is important too. Getting outside, taking exercise, walking, gardening etc. help to dispel some of the confusions and bring a new perspective. Appreciating the beauty of nature (God’s creation) helps to bring life, where we may always have felt we’ve been shrouded in darkness.
5. God, the Restorer, wants to build you up in the person He made you to be and draw you into life. Think about taking up a creative hobby that you would enjoy, e.g. photography, pottery, art, quilting, drama, learning to play a musical instrument etc. Abuse is isolating. It makes you feel different to everyone else. Joining a group, a choir, a sports club breaks down isolation and brings a valuable sense of belonging.

These are small steps, but taken one at a time, are the beginning of God’s path to true healing and full recovery.

These are small steps, but taken one at a time, are the beginning of God’s path to true healing and full recovery. His promise to those who have been abused, is found in Isaiah 62:2-3: ‘You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow. You will be a crown of splendour in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.’

This is a very big issue and it may be this would be the opportunity to come to an Ellel Centre to start a walk towards healing. Booking a Healing Retreat may be the place to begin or calling a Ministry Manager at one of our Ellel centres as they are ideally placed to guide each person to the best starting point.

* Written by ‘Sarah’, a healed survivor in long-term recovery from sexual abuse. Sarah’s story can be read in the book Sarah: From an Abusive Childhood and the Depths of Suicidal Despair to a Life of Hope and Freedom, Sarah Shaw (Lancaster: Sovereign World Ltd., 2009).

** Taken from a 2009 metastudy from the University of Barcelona published in Clinical Psychology Review, “Prevalence of Child Sexual Abuse in Community and Student Samples: A Meta-Analysis,” which analysed 65 research studies across 22 countries to estimate an “overall international figure” for sexual abuse.